The Hellfire Club

kiddish clubs.what better time to discuss them than shabbat shuva. because theyre a problem.

i mean, yeah, its totally fab that you guys like each other so much that you need to go get a drink together on shabbat. in the middle of davening. [yes, the haftorah counts. if it didnt, we
wouldnt do it, now would we?]. so congrats on having the kind of
friendships that bards will speak of long after man has forgotten how to
love. but see, the thing is that knesset/shul isnt a lodge or a
social club. we’re kinda there to daven. and by “kinda“, i
mean “completely“.

i mean, look,

1-aside the fact that youre ruining your own kavanna by going out to drink, youre also pissing thecrap out of everyone else who isnt going b/c they dont approve and ruining their
kavanna too
.good job. jerks.

2-as the shulchan aruch and other sources state, one cannot eat–sorry–it is forbidden to eat before having kiddush. additionally, one may not even drink water after shacharit
before reciting kiddush. and i doubt any of you guys are
saying kiddush when youre knocking back your jack walker. [no
thats not a typo. ive known him long enough to call him jack. ive
earned it].and i said “kiddush” not “borei pri hagafen“.
that means im tashiv, vshamru, and zachor. the whole shebang.

3-so how stoked do you think Hashem is when you guys pour out of the room, completely ignore the haftorah, and come back full of alcohol? oh, its just one drink, you say?
could you pass a breathalyzerno? oh, then im sure its totally
ok
 that even though you couldnt legally drive a car in your
state, youre perfectly capable of, yknow, proceeding TO TALK
TO GD
. just saying.

but y’know what, never mind. im sure im overreacting and being oversensitive. after all, the first kiddish club went so well. remember that one? with those guys…what were their names…oh yeah!

nadav and avihu.

gmar chatima tova

manishtanasignoff

MaNishtana@manishtana.net

twitter.com/MaNishtana

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